halfway through 2026

 “There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will respond as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt” (Hosea 2:15)

JOY

January 2nd our 12th grand baby entered this world.

GRIEF

January 10th, our Mom was in the hospital being given two blood transfusions and a life-altering diagnosis: metastatic colon cancer in the liver, stomach, everywhere.

Those two units of life sustaining blood bought us 9 weeks with her. Nine weeks to say goodbye. Nine weeks to walk her home. Here are the poems birthed through this season.

Eden’s Song

Your knib scratches deep

Etching swirls across my heart

Not haphazard or careless

Each stroke from a Master’s hand

You hum over Your work

The melody of my life

I breathe and cry and struggle

You heal and bring me through

The tattoo of Your love

Emblazoned for all to see 

I see Your face

I hear Your voice

Your song of faithful love

Cradles me always

~ marmee for Eden, 1/8/2026

~my earliest memories~

riding through our neighborhood on 

the back of her bicycle

absolute freedom

as breeze tousles baby fine hair

laying on a blanket in the front yard on a 

warm day

blue skies and white, puffy clouds

the smell of coffee and dog food 

Memorial cemetery bells chime

time moved slow

luxuriously slow

her fingers pick the guitar notes

like the lover in her song picking cherries

and a minor chord plays in the background

she cooks me cream of wheat

and learns I will never eat the lumps

she sprinkles sugar across the top

and pours in Borden’s milk 

we drive dad to work

downtown Oklahoma City

with all its smell and noise

we pass Elsie’s family

their caricatures larger than life

like far-away grandparents who loom large

but in these moments

it is she and I

and I and she

and I am filled

~ slf, 1/19/26

childhood’s death

winter sorrow blankets my heart

cold comfort as my childhood gasps for air

resurrected in each memory

It breathes its last and

I lay it to rest in His arms

There is a bouquet of peace to be discovered in the letting go, 

I place it on the small grave

A hopeful trust emerges and assures, this too will pass, 

its granite inscription easily read

~ slf, 1/24/26

His compass

Though dark and bleak the day

His compass remains true

Aglow with holy fire

Pointing toward eternal day…

…and the hope of His word

Not cruel or wrong are his judgements

Not mean or spare His ways

But open plains and wide vistas

Is where His beauty lays

In the honoring He is broadcast

So far and so wide

In the loving He is constant

As the moon with the tide

So here is today I give it back to you

For holy consecration through & through

~slf, 2/6/26

nursery on parade

The ants go marching one by one

Down the long, golden hill

The pipers pipe all manner of pipes

As the dirge plays on and on

Hello my honey, Hello my baby…

But no one answers the phone

For all line the path along the road

Down the long, golden hill

The itsy bitsy spider drops 

from its golden web

Tears slipping from its many eyes

It swings by a golden thread

The Cottontail bunnies stand witness

To a loss they’ve always known 

And Old MacGregor frowns quietly

Reaping what he’s sown

London bridge is falling down

Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya

The mercy of the little lamb

Is displayed for all to see

He conquered death for Mary,

Oh then, where is your sting

The ants go marching two by two

While the dirge plays on and on

And we all join hands and slowly walk 

Down the long, golden hill

~slf, 2/7/26

The friends who hold your hand in the dark and whose murmured prayers comfort you through the valley

Are the same ones who will be rejoicing beside you at the wedding feast of the Lamb

~slf, 2/7/26

visitation

every other week visitation

Today, as I drove to Eureka Springs it dawned on me I have entered a type of second childhood with what has become alternating weekend visits to my mom’s as she slowly dies.

The repetition of this pattern from my childhood, when I have long since been out of it, is both familiar and comforting. Like finding a once cherished stuffed animal hidden away in an unused cupboard or discovering a favorite picture book in a second hand bookstore with my name scrawled inside- intimate and personal.

It’s as if He knows how to take something underpinned with sorrow and brokenness and refashion it for my good. 

Only He can do such an impossible thing.

~slf, 2/27/26

death pains

Cannula delivers oxygen

To tired lungs and the

Machine’s rhythmic pulsing

Is placental replacement

Filling lungs with needful atoms

For fitful delivery to each cell

Both clean and unclean

The healthy and the cancerous

Swollen left arm cannot keep

Fluids from building in tired tissue

While feet and legs begin to 

Experience pain on standing…

Every movement costs

Great effort

Bowed in and by and through weakness

Prayer emits from heart’s need

Help me… let me go…

And Amy Carmichael’s words

Fortify my soul,

“In acceptance, lieth peace.”

~ slf, 3/1/26

pliable

Is my heart made pliable?

To love as you love

Is a birth if I allow

And lean in to the stretching

Allowing Your river to flow

Then there’s no holding back

For the torrent increases

Until it is with ease

I may love as you love

~ slf, 3/1/26

low

His peace and

Presence overwhelm

And I am brought low

Made low

So that in looking up

I see Him

He swoops me up

And cradles me 

In His arms

This dust creature

Of dancing atoms

Infused by His Holy Spirit

Is warmed

~ slf, 3/1/26

garland

I wear your wisdom as a garland

It encircles me as a sanctuary of peace

Guarding my thoughts and steps

Enabling me to avoid worldly pitfalls, snares, and sin

Let me not grieve You, my Lord

~ slf, 3/2/26

grieving all that never was

I grieve the childhood that never was

It thrived a moment, gasped and died

I raise His cup of communion

To all that never was, all that was, present now, and future hope

I drank it to the dregs

And found His comfort at the end

For nothing will be made whole

Without my Savior Friend

~ slf, March 2026

A glorious dandelion

Was the sun this morning

Parting the fog

As God parted the sea

Its stem the Arkansas pine

Towering on the hill

I picked it and was heartened

His return is nigh

Just as He is near to the broken hearted

Oh death where is your sting?

Oh God, Your joy is my strength. 

Blow these seeds upon the wind, let them take root, Oh God our Maker.

~ slf, 3/8/26

wonder

Oh wonder

I spied,

It took me by surprise 

In the early hours,

A doe 

She moved and gently grazed

As I kept company with death

He is not a gladsome fellow

He is heavy and unrelenting

Truthful and merciless

And after he visits

The air is lighter

And joy returns

Just as dawn breaks

~ slf, 3/9/26

the sting

Fearless laughter mingled with tears 

sprays upward

From the crashing waves

Melding into overwhelming swells

She laughs, how she laughs

The sting is nothing, the shadow His 

~ slf, 3/13/26

present

You were present for my first breath
I am present with you for your last

Our air mingles
Inhales and exhales

God bless you
And keep you

The heavenly drift
Has begun

~ slf, 3/13/26

three kisses

It is me

Here with you

I read from your favorite poet

And then storyteller

Yeats and Lewis’s words

Reduce me to tears

As your shallow breaths and

Swollen limbs punctuate the truth

This is goodbye

Three kisses on marbleine forehead

And my salty whisper, “Everything will be okay, Mama.”

~slf, 3/13/26

severest parting

The membrane’s stripped

The waters break

The severest parting

Severs forward 

From this fixed point

Yet not so fixed

Past and beyond

This veil of life

On gossamer wings

She takes flight

And heavenward she soars

Without looking back

Yet a pool of tears leaves its mark

A salt well 

A hint to baptism

On those she left behind

The severest parting

Has circumcised my heart

~ slf, 3/21/2026

We asked for refining and the fire grew hotter

We asked to be used

And the waves grew larger

In the stretching we were enlarged to trust ever greater, to shine ever  brighter, to be given the honor of reflecting Him.

In heaven we will rejoice in His pleasure and know this suffering was nothing compared to His worthiness.

~ slf, 3/30/26

spectacle

My grief is a spectacle of His amazing love

Undulating borealis of pain sweeping over me

oh labor of my love

Until hope is birthed

Lusty and mewling a tantrum of truth

For all to behold

~ slf, 4/12/26

amazing grace

She leaned into the wind

As the storm raged before abating

In the calm she was welcomed

Home by her Abba’s grace and mercy

Which had followed her each day of her life

Her little lambs woolly and bright

Fresh and new

Enrobed her in His glorious light

Through Jesus’ salvation for us sinners slain

The Lamb of God fulfilled His promise

This amazing grace

Oh glorious amazing grace

~ slf for mlm, 4/12/26

Fire walkers

Are never singed

When He is there

Companion strong

His glory is revealed

As we worship Him alone

And follow His commands

By His atoning love

He brings healing to the nations

As His streams continually flow

~ slf, 5/8/26, reflections on SitD, Cowman

fight

I fought discontent

He’s a wily beast

Who never stops his pace

Can never find true rest

He shouts about injustice

Until he’s hoarse as all get out

But continues on incessantly

So loud does he pout

I hog tie him with rope 

And drag him down the path

He fights me each step

Sure of his doom

I throw him from the cliffside

And down and down he falls

And breaks upon the Rocks

Of Christ’s truth after all

The shards of him are scattered

And dispelled by God’s grace

Until my flesh grows weak 

And he rises once again

~ slf, 5/13/26

I love you forever and ever, Mom.

For everyone who has prayed us through the valley, thank you!